Friday, March 16, 2007

"I am a Lonely Soul"

Brad Delp, the long-time lead singer of the classic rock band Boston commited suicide March 9th, and today nothing is sadder than reading the about his suicide notes, primarily the one pinned to his collar, reading:

"Mr. Brad Delp. J’ai une ame solitaire. I am a lonely soul.”

I am a lonely soul. These words find in a strange time.
I think most people suffer from some degree of loneliness, certainly I know that I do.

In the recently published book, Confessions of a Pastor by Craig Groeschel, the third chapter is entitled: "Most of the Time I Feel Incredibly Lonely."

This chapter was actually very moving to me, because while I have many great friends (most living a state or 7 away), a great wife, a great family, a great job, and see many people I know everyday, I often feel lonely. And yet at the same time, I find myself also asking, what would make me feel unlonely, and then too, I have no answer.

Groeschel in his book speaks of three myths of seclusion that are certainly beliefs I fall into some time.


Seclusion Conclusion #1: I have to perform for people.
Seclusion Conclusion #2: To survive in life, you can't trust anyone.
Seclusion Conclusion #3: People really don't care about us.


I know that I am frequently guilty of trying to please people, I think so many times I want to please people, whether in work, friendships, or whatever, and as a result people sometimes don't see the real me. Which leads to #2... it's as though I'm scared if people "really knew me" they wouldn't like me, or even care for me (#3).

The band Relient K's most recent album contains a song written by front-man Matthew Thiessen called Faking my Own Suicide (lyrics here) where in a sad/goofy way thoughts about love are explored where "the narrator" speaks of faking his own suicide so the girl he loves will realize how much she loved him, even though she didn't realize it.

It's in this vein of morbidness that there is truth, I think far too many people are asking if anyone would care if they died.

Brad Delp surely must have known people cared for him, otherwise he wouldn't have left notes to his family and fiancée, Pamela Sullivan.

I know for me I need to work on trusting more and not trying to please people. I know so many people care for me and my wife and I am so thankful for the dear friends that I have, even if many of them live in so many different places.

If ever I feel lonely (like Brad Delp, Craig Groeschel or Matt Theissen), I am deceived, for I am certainly not alone.

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7 comments:

Mercurie said...

Brad Delp's suicide is certainly sad, as it seems to me that with his friends and family he could hardly have been alone. I guess it only goes to show that there are people in this world who feel lonely, even when there are people in their lives.

Sheila West said...

About the lonelines thing, what is the difference that author is making between "seclusion" and "loneliness"?? I personally enjoy being alone, but not being lonely. I like finding times of seclusion. Even Jesus felt the need to be alone at times.

Jon said...

Great thoughts. I really appreciated Craig's book. I think there are certain feelings we ALL feel at times. And Craig was honest enough to share them. That's tough. Especially for someone in a leadership role.

The strange thing is, as soon as we do share those feelings, we end up connecting with others better - because they're a lot more universal than we think.

I have more thoughts, but I'll stop :). I'm going to be reviewing a book on my blog soon that has helped me better understand the search to belong and connect ... :)

Will said...

I really appreciated these thoughts, RC. My wife wrote a nice post on aloneness/seclusion a little while ago on my blog. I thought you might like it:
Being Alone

Art said...

That anyone would take his or her life is such a tragedy. I can only imagine what he must have been going though. Sad, just sad...

Mike said...

We often think those with lots of friends should never feel lonely. I guess what people really need is intimacy, with GOD and each other.

Good post.

jasdye said...

rc,

you're on a roll with these two subsequent posts.

let's not forget clinical depression and its cousins when considering feelings of loneliness, though. sometimes loneliness has nothing to do with reality. and then there are times when those who feel terribly lonely even surrounded by tons of friends, associates and/or fans are in touch with their reality.

all of this is sad, though. i feel for all the lonely souls out there.

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