Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Vomit Enducing Summer Movies

May 12: Poseidon
I respect Wolfgang Peterson's film Das Boot but why must he do another water film, his last one was only so-so (The Perfect Storm). Who decided we needed a remake of the Poseidon Adventure anyways...we've all seen Titanic.

May 19: See No Evil
Wow, there hasn't been a horror movie in theaters for months...oh never mind.

June 2: The Break-up
Hey Jennifer Aniston...maybe if you didn't makea new movie every month you might be able to do something worth by theater admission. And plus with Vince Vaughn and Joey Lauren Adams in the same film I'd feel like I was watchng the lack luster A Cool Dry Place (1998) again.

June 6: The Omen
How cute and clever...a horror movie coming out on 6-6-6. I'll pass, although a horror movie hasn't been in theaters for months.

June 16: The Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift
Why they didn't name this film 3 Fast 3 Furious I will never know.

June 16: The Lake House
I'll make an exception for A Scanner Darkly, but otherwise I avoid movies with Keanu Reeves.

June 16: Wordplay
After I saw Word Wars the documentary about crazy scrabble obsessed people, I'm afraid to see a documentary so soon about Crossword Puzzles.

June 23: Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties
Do I really need to explain this one? Even the four or five frame comic looses my interest, no thanks John Arbuckle.

July 5: Little Man
From imdb.com: "A wannabe dad (Shawn Wayans) mistakes avertically challenged criminal on the lam (Marlon Wayans) as his newlyadopted son." You gotta be kidding!

July 14: Pulse
There certainly hasn't been any other horror moviesout this year.

July 14: You, Me, and Dupree
Me and Owen Wilson need to take abreak, I'm still getting over how bad The Big Bounce was.

July 28: Brothers of the Head
Can't really say I'm into movies about siamese twins - especially when they're in a rock band.

August 4: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
The only reason I'd see this is because I was so impressed with Amy Adams in Junebug.

August 11: The Reaping
You know what, if only there were more horror movies to choose from.

August 18: Snakes on a Plane
Best of luck to this film in it's quest to become the most successful bad movie ever...but it's not getting my money.

August 25: Beerfest
Do I really need to explain?

August 25: Material Girls
It looks like a Mary Kate-Ashley Olson film, except when the Olson twins weren't available they enlisted Hillary Duff and her older sister Haylie Duff.

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poppedculture said...

I'm hoping that Snakes on a Plane is just a huge web prank, seeing what they can get a studio to do and then agreeing not to go to it. I understand camp, but it's something that happens organically, not created on purpose.

JW said...

Wow. I've never thought of doing a wretched movie preview before. This stuff all looks pretty bad. I only talked about Poseidon in my summer movie post, cause there's just way too many previews for it. I predict it will be the miserable failure of the summer.

The Zoner said...

I think we need a moratorium on all remakes. No more for 20 years. Hollywood--get some original thoughts already.

AWG said...

"Talladega Nights" could be good but then it could be vomit-inducing. Stick with Kenny Rogers in "Six Pack" or even Burt Reynolds and Ned Beatty in "Stroker Ace." Good early 80's racin' fare.

Paula said...

I saw "Titanic". I was bored out of my skull until the boat started breaking. I couldn't wait for the wimpy couple to die. I hated that movie.

breakerslion said...

Well, at least they won't be re-making The Towering Inferno after 9/11, or am I underestimating the banality of Hollywood again?

Posidon... I wonder who they got to play Shelly Winters?

Magnus said...

"Well, at least they won't be re-making The Towering Inferno after 9/11, or am I underestimating the banality of Hollywood again?"

You under-underestimate them. I can't find the list anymore, but a friend showed me a list of films that are slated to be remade. There is even a rumour running around about a remake of Alien.

Mike K said...

I'll be saving lots of money this summer just like I do every summer. LOL.

Alex said...

I for one am looking forward to Poseidon. It's one of my all-time favourite movies. It beetr have a shot of a guy falling from a table all the way down(up?) to the glass thingy. You all know the shot I'm talking about.

I'm sure they will remake Towering Inferno. A lot of Hollywood doesn't care about insensitivity, it's all about the $$$. And somebody out there will figure it's worth a shot.

How could they remake Alien? That's a bit too soon. They'd be better off just making another addition to the franchise.

Snakes on a plane is something I am looking forward to as well. It reminds me of those corny 70's B flicks. (ssssssssssssss anyone?)

Omen I will pass on. I never liked the first one much anyhow.

I am a horror fan but they are their own worst enemy sometimes. I understan that they are making yet another entry into the Jason series. Which is good, I haven't had my fill of maked girls and drunk teenagers getting stoned in the woods and meeting grisly deaths in awhile. Supposedly this one is going to take place between the years he "drowned" and seeing his mother getting killed at the end of the 1st movie.

Good site, I will return

Grete said...

Ya gonna take back your comment about "Wordplay" on this list? :)