Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Grace According to Seinfeld

New scene - Elaine at her job interview at Doubleday with Mrs. Landis.
LANDIS: Of course, Jackie O. was a great lady. Those are going to be some tough shoes to fill. Everyone loved her. She had such...grace.

ELAINE (gushing): Yes! Grace!

LANDIS: Not many people have grace.

ELAINE: Well, you know, grace is a tough one. I like to think I have a little grace...not as much as Jackie -

LANDIS: You can't have "a little grace." You either have grace, or you...don't.

ELAINE: O.K., fine, I grace.

LANDIS: And you can't acquire grace.

ELAINE: Well, I have no intention of "getting" grace.

LANDIS: Grace isn't something you can pick up at the market.

ELAINE (fed up): Alright, alright, look - I don't have grace, I don't want grace...I don't even say grace, O.K.?

LANDIS: Thank you for coming in.

ELAINE: Yeah, yeah, right.

LANDIS: We'll make our choice in a few days, and we'll let you know.

ELAINE (stands up): I have no chance, do I?

(They shake hands.)

LANDIS'S INTERCOM: Justin Pitt to see you.

ELAINE: Justin Pitt?

LANDIS: He was a very close friend of Mrs. Onassis's.

ELAINE: "Mrs. Onassis's"? That's hard to pronounce.

LANDIS: Excuse me?

ELAINE: Nothing.

PITT: Mrs. Landis, there's something wrong with this copying machine, it's all coming out slanted. Now, I don't know if this is your department or not.

LANDIS: Justin Pitt, this is Elaine Benes.
(Elaine turns around. With sunglasses and a scarf on her head, she bears a close resemblance to Jackie O.)

PITT (clearly affected by Elaine's appearance): Charmed.

ELAINE: I was a great admirer of Mrs. Onass-sis-sis-sis...

New scene - Elaine and Mr. Pitt having lunch at the coffee shop.

PITT (looking at Elaine and smiling): The resemblance is uncanny. Even the brown eyes.

ELAINE: Well, a lot of people have brown eyes.

PITT: No, there's something else. An indefinable quality.

ELAINE: Grace?

PITT: grace, yes.

ELAINE: You think I have grace?

PITT: Some grace, yes.

ELAINE: Just some?

PITT: Well, you don't want too much grace or you won't be able to stand.

ELAINE (laughing): Oh, Mr. Pitt.

PITT: Elaine, I want you to come and work for me as my personal assistant. Now, I'll pay you the same as Pendant, but I would need you to start right away.

(thank you Mark for the inspiration for this post; Brian Dickson for transcribing Seinfeld episode 87 which aired on September 22, 1994; and Jenna Hatfield for encouraging me to think about the idea of grace some more)

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Kimberly Ann said...

love it. what a great post. by the end of these we'll call you RC full of grace...

Ando said...

Brilliant response. Well played.

Jim Jannotti said...

Ditto ando.

Paula said...

Too much grace and you won't be able to stand! LOL!!!

I guess I'm laying flat on my back then, cuz I KNOW God has poured it out all over me!

Glenn Dunks said...

Seriously, is Seinfeld not the funniest program ever?

You can't just have "a little grace".

god that good writing.

Anonymous said...

"Grace died thrity years ago!"--grandma in Christmas Vacation