Monday, October 08, 2007

superpowers never possessed by a character on heroes (or by any other superhero/villain)

Thinking of Heroes: Origins and the introduction of new "heroes" in upcoming episodes of Heroes, I thought I'd contribute a list of powers never held by any known super hero or villain. Feel free to contribute your own.
  • ability to project television out of their eyes onto any surface
  • ability to mysteriously check out library books without a library card (LOTS of special effects!!!)
  • ability to touch things and instantly identify their official color names and pantone numbers
  • currency conversion teleportation (put the Pesos in your pocket and change them to Yens or Euros instantly)
  • mano-healingousis - broken fingernails and cuticles, don't worry if you have mano-healingousis (kind of like wolverine from x-men just,
  • everything anyone says is instantly translated into pig latin
  • ink refill fingers
  • ability to turn cellulite into dangerous grenade like weapons (actually that could powerful?
  • cactus needle arm hair
  • the ability to transform into a snoopy snow cone maker
  • the ability to turn yourself inside out. (why, I don't know?)
  • ability to heal other peoples motion sickness
  • Super-Spellcheck - no matter where you are everything that's spelled wrong has a red squiggly line under it
  • the ability to walk through nerf
  • the ability to block out the sound of other people chewing food
  • the ability to blink and change the channel on any television
  • the ability to command clothes to fold themselves


jasdye said...


really like the ability to walk thru nerf.

Anonymous said...

Man, you ARE strange

Ando said...

I like this.

The ability to remove permanent ink.

The abililty to sing in MIDI format.

The abiltiy to tell time by the moon. (Actually, can people do this?)

And the one I particulary wish I had, the ability to stop animals from shedding. Especially my dog.

Peter Brown said...

I wanna play!!

The ability to visit friends in their dreams

The ability to eat sea urchin without gagging -anyone who claims they can do this, is a liar! :)

The ability to change the 'word verification' at will

The ability to take back poorly thought out comments to friends and loved ones. (I mean, anyone would look fat in those pants..I mean...never mind...)

nate said...

Good Stuff...
The ability to silence ghetto bass booming in the hoopty behind you at a red light.

The ability to teleport flatulence directly behind rear end of arch enemy when in a large and crowded room.

Westcoast Walker said...

My favourite non-hero
is "Distracto Man" - containing the uncanny powers of distraction - his trade mark phrase is "hey whats that crawling up your leg", usually muttered before he runs away, safe from danger.

Westcoast Walker said...


The ability to speak cryptically and over use mixed metaphors.

The ability to decaffeinate any beverage, thus rendering your enemies lethargic and completely useless in the morning.

Lorna said...

I actually have the ability to walk through nerf. You'll have to disqualify yourself.

PIPER said...

Excellent post.

The ability to shoot cotton candy from your fingers - great at kids parties.

The ability to produce a bath full of Calgon anytime things get really stressful.

The ability to make someone's head go directly up their ass if needed.

Anonymous said...

"the ability to transform into a snoopy snow cone maker"

Oh read my mind! :)

maryt/theteach said...

RC, love the post!

The ability to hot synch a PDA without a USB cable.

The ability to collect rain and turn it into Poland Spring water.

Anonymous said...

That kid off the x men movie has the ability to change channels by blinking.Cant remember which movie it was from though. Apart from that great list :)

Anonymous said...

The 2nd xmen film. and i think that the best power would be to create really hot women in midair

Anonymous said...

I've always thought saliva that was acidic was always cool. The person who possessed this ability will prolly not have a lower jaw, but that opens up the possibility for acid spitting, bone crushing replacement device that would make a villan disastorous.

Unknown said...

75% levitation. (One leg hangs on the ground)

Alter consistancy of matter.

Also, what do you mean by nerf?