Thursday, May 24, 2012

Vomit Inducing Summer Movie List 2012

The month of May almost passed me by, but I could not skip the 7th edition of the vomit inducing summer movie list (previous list here: 2006, 2007, 2008 , 2009, 2010, and 2011.

I'm a little sad this post is written post-Battleship (the sci-fi action movie based on the game, that I've complained about previously).

Without further's the 2012 list.

May 25: Chernobyl Diaries
A horror movie that takes place at the site of the horrible nuclear disaster of 1986. Unfortunately some people might think the disaster is an imaginary event, something on par with The Day After Tomorrow, except it's real, and this horror movie looks like the definition of a vomit inducing summer movie.

June 1: Piranha 3DD
The title and tagline along are enough to put this on the list. No further discussion needed. The tag line: "Twice the terror. Double the D's."

June 8: Bel Ami
Classic literature adaptations don't usually make the annual vomit list, but the adaptation of  Bel Ami by Guy de Maupassant hits the list when the lead star is Robert Pattinson playing a Parisian.

June 15: That's My Boy
Adam Sandler and Andy Samburg in a film that looks and smells like the 80s, or at least the 90s. And not in a good way. 

June 29: Magic Mike
Steven Soderbergh is hit or miss, and I can appreciate his project variety (genre, cast, budget, etc.). But Magic Mike staring Channing Tatum as Mike an experienced stripper seems to be like the type of film that typically comes out in September with Oscar buzz and critical disappointment. So what do I make of this June release? I can only think that Warner Bros. is trying to press their luck with Tatum's other popular 2012 film success (The Vow and 21 Jump Street).
I am not really sure why Katy Perry get's her own summer documentary. Not sure at all.

July 20: Grassroots
I get nervous about the idea of any movie that wants to open up the weekend of The Dark Knight Rises, especially a comedy/drama about a Seattle City Council election staring Jason Biggs. In this case perhaps it's more worrisome than vomit inducing, but something potentially awful to keep an eye out for this summer.

July 27: The Watch
After some bad timing - the neighborhood watch film that was set for release well ahead of the Trayvon Martin controversy has undergone a film name change from Neighborhood Watch to The Watch, but with a name change that makes it sound like a sequel to The Ring, I can't help be see this as one of the most appropriate films to hit the list this year. Sorry Ben Stiller. 

July 27: Killer Joe
Hello! The movie poster has a piece of fried chicken in the shape of Texas that looks more like a diarrhea, but I have to assume it's intended to be chicken (with blood splattered on it) only because the tagline uses the word "deep-fried"  ("A totally twisted deep-fried Texas redneck murder story."). Director William Friedkin, an Oscar winning director (The French Connection, 1971) and nominee (The Exorcist, 1973), might have a surprise up his sleeve here, but I just can't get past that bloody fried chicken poo.

August 17: Sparkle
If Mariah Carrey couldn't deliver with Glitter, why over a decade later would American Idol alum Jordin Sparks be able to deliver with the awfully named Sparkle (Jordin Sparks is Sparkle Williams). I expect some Whitney Houston talk behind this film which might make some discussions more sensative (i.e. no Razzie for Houston). But I expect a bust of a bust of a bust.

August 24: Premium Rush
No it's not an energy drink. David Koepp, screenwriter of this year's Men in Black III also is the writer of this like action flick, which takes the tired film chase scene and tries to freshen it up by putting Joseph Gordon-Levitt on a bike being chased in New York City. What an exhausting movie, not to mention a movie that reminds you that instead of being outside getting exercise you're sitting in a dark theater, eating popcorn watching someone ride a bike. 

August 29: The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure
Sure you have some stars like Cloris Leachman, Cary Ewles, Christopher Lloyd, Toni Braxton, and Jamie Presley, but you also have characters named Goobie, Zoozie, Toofie and Schluufy the Pillow. 'Nuf said. This smells like Teletubbies on drugs.

1 comment:

Adam S. said...

I say why not a Katy Perry summer documentary?